The Home for Abandoned Espada
by figliedellatempesta
Summary: Bed time is at ten on the dot, teeth MUST be clean, no fighting at the dinner table, meals are at eight, one and six o'clock sharp, and you only get dessert if you're very, very good.
1. Catching Espada

This is some pure fluff written by myself and Frozenpixie. Enjoy and review :D

**Frozenpixie and Figliedellatempesta's Home for Abandoned Espada.**

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A new era was beginning in the Soul Society. With Aizen's death, the destruction of Hueco Mundo's strict hierarchy followed soon after, leaving poor, hapless ex-espada and bewildered arrancar milling around like lost puppies, all big eyes and drooping tails, but with an unfortunate tendency to rip each others' throats out.

Several of the less charitable captains were all for letting them finish each other off, but two young shinigamis, unrecognised by Bleach canon, had a better idea. With squad five being vacant, and a lot of very sexy homeless warriors going to waste, Frozenpixie of the thirteenth squad and Figliedellatempesta of the sixth squad approached their taichous with their project.

"It's quite simple, really," explained Figliedellatempesta to the impassive Byakuya, gesturing once more to the complex and very colourful diagram on the board beside her; Frozenpixie and Rukia had been working hard on the plan all morning. "We convert ex-taichou Aizen's old division barracks into a homeless shelter for the select espada we will handpick for their exceptional and desirable qualities."

"And these qualities will be?" Byakuya questioned in his detached voice. Figliedellatempesta's usually pale cheeks pinkened a little, and she looked helplessly at Frozenpixie, who shrugged. It wasn't like they could tell the formidable captain that their top criteria was the adorableness of the espada in question. Ukitake tactfully cut in.

"I take it there would be strict rules to ensure the safety of the Seireitei? After all, the espada are trained killers and enemies of the Soul Society." Figliedellatempesta and Frozenpixie exchanged identical evil grins, making even Byakuya take a small step backwards.

"Oh I think we can keep them under control," Figliedellatempesta said airily.

"Then it is agreed," Ukitake said, smiling at the two shinigamis, causing Frozenpixie to blush a vivid pink. "You will take charge of this new project, and tame the remaining espada into allies of the soul society. I give my permission. Byakuya?"

"Very well," Byakuya sighed, rubbing his temples. He knew that Figliedellatempesta was not above pestering him relentlessly until he gave in, and he was not sure if he could handle her frankly terrifying methods of interrogation. He had never seen skirts that short, and the way she could flip her hair... he almost pitied the espada. "You have my leave."

Ukitake grinned embarrassedly and patted Frozenpixie awkwardly on the back as she hugged him tightly, babbling her thanks, and something which sounded a lot like "Wonderweiss will never take your place in my heart."

"Well that's the easy part out of the way," Figliedellatempesta remarked as the two of them left the room. "Now, it's time to go espada-hunting. Do you have your fishing net?"

"Yes. Do you have the bait?"

"I do."

"Then let's get down to Hueco Mundo and kick some cute espada ass!"

-

Frozenpixie and Figliedellatempesta strode into Hueco Mundo, letting the gate close up behind them. Immediately they were surrounded by baleful, very hungry espada, eyeing the young shinigami warily. They backed away a little as Frozenpixie raised her net.

"This net is reinforced with reishi and will zap anyone whom it touches into oblivion," she lied easily. "Now, we're here to offer you a deal. We're opening a shelter for you lot in Soul Society, and there will be hot dinners-" Grimmjow's head popped up. "-warm baths with bubbles-" Ulquiorra's eyes widened longingly, "-comfy beds-" Starrk whimpered hopefully, "And lots and lots of ice cream." Wonderweiss's purple eyes widened into staring saucers. Frozenpixie smiled widely. The espada were now surrounding them in a rapt audience, gazing starry-eyed at what the two strange shinigami were offering. All of a sudden, a small, blue-haired child ran forward and threw herself at Frozenpixie's legs.

"Nel wants to come with you," the little arrancar said.

"I shall come also," a low, depressed voice said. The shinigamis looked around to see the pale, sad face of the fourth espada, Ulquiorra Cifer.

"You pussy," Grimmjow scoffed from behind him. "Can't even take care of yourself with your buddy Aizen dead."

"I would not mock, Grimmjow," Ulquiorra scowled. "The only reason you're still alive is because I do not bother to kill trash." Grimmjow growled angrily.

"Oh yeah? Well I'm not going to be petted by a bunch of bleeding heart soul reapers."

"I thought you might say that," Figliedellatempesta said grimly. Grimmjow turned to leer at her. "Unfortunately we are not giving you any choice, Grimmjow. We know your greatest weakness, and we are fully equipped to use it against you."

"Oh yeah?" Grimmjow sneered.

"Yes."

"Uhhhn," a small voice mumbled, and Froxenpixie felt a small hand tugging at the hem of her robe. Two wide purple eyes looked beseechingly up at her. "Muuurgh."

"Yes, you can come with us," Frozenpixie said kindly. Then she looked up, fixing the espada with an icy gaze. "Anyone else?"

A handful of espada slunk off into the darkness, but even more, looking shiftily at their companions, shuffled forwards. In the woebogone ranks were the first espada Starrk, Ulquiorra, Nel, Wonderweiss, Nnoitra and Szayel. Grimmjow was on the fence.

The two shinigamis looked at each other, then raised their nets threateningly. Plunging her hand into her pocket, Figliedellatempesta brought out a chocolate bar. It was a galaxy caramel. Grimmjow's mouth fell open, his eyes full of lust.

"Coming, Grimmjow?" Frozenpixie asked innocently. Scowling, Grimmjow joined the ranks.

"Allrightly. Let's get going," Frozenpixie said cheerfully. "Just a few ground rules before we get there. Bed time is at ten on the dot, teeth MUST be clean, no fighting at the dinner table, meals are at eight, one and six o'clock sharp, and you only get dessert if you're very, very good. Lessons will be hosted by a variety of taichou and fukutaichou for the furtherment of your non-evil education. We reserve all rights to spank, tie up, tickle or tease anyone who disobeys us. Is that clear? Great, then let's get going."

Back at the late fifth squad HQ – now reading 'Frozenpixie and Figliedellatempesta's Home For Abandoned Espada' in large, swirly green writing, exactly the same shade as Ulquiorra's eyes –the motley collection of Espada were beginning to question their rash decision to come to this place. They hadn't expected... rules... but Frozenpixie was in full swing.

"Sign up sheets for lessons are over there, each espada must attend at least three different classes, and sport-" she gave a wide, perverted grin, "-is compulsory. Uniforms will be delivered tomorrow morning. Oh, and there's a strict policy of no fugly masks, Nnoitra, I'm looking at you."

"I'm not wearing a mask," protested the indignant espada. Frozenpixie looked baffled.

"But that... oh, that's your face? Make sure you sign up for Matsumoto-fukutaichou's 'How to look sexy' class." Grimmjow snickered.

"All right, everyone, milk and crackers, then bedtime," Figliedellatempesta cut in firmly, shooing the espada over to the large canteen area. "And remember to use your napkins!"


	2. How to be Sexy!

chapter 2, please read and review :D also, feel free to suggest ideas of what we can do with the espada now we have them, lol!!

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"Eehh, guys, you haven't really given me much to work with", Matsumoto whined, surveying the room. A guy with pink hair, a really evil looking black haired man, one who would have been quite attractive had he not been sleeping with his mouth open instead of paying attention to the class, two kids, an emo and... _hello! _Well at least one of them had some potential, Matsumoto thought to herself, glancing at the blue haired, blue eyed man who was sitting in the front row looking a little bored and a little embarassed to be there.

"Sorry", Frozenpixie replied. "This was the best we could find in Hueco Mundo. Still, if anyone can help them Rangiku, its you!"

Matsumoto beamed. "Well thats true", she said, cheerily. "Ok class... today, we are going to learn about how to be sexy!", she smiled happily.

"Oh, sorry", Figliedellatempesta cut in, "we forgot to say, here are your uniforms, please put them on".

5 minutes later, the espada came back wearing their uniforms. "I designed them", Frozenpixie said, beaming proudly. They were rather ridiculous looking pink uniforms, and most of the espada did not look very pleased to be wearing them. Nel and Wonderweiss, however, looked delighted.

"Nel is happy", the tiny arrancar said. Wonderweiss nodded, "Bahh!", he said, happily.

Grimmjow came back into the room, wearing the pair of trousers he had been given, but no shirt. "Um, where is my shirt?", he asked.

"Oh, we thought you didn't need one", Figliedellatempesta replied, a slightly ominous glint in her eyes.

Ulquiorra tugged at his uniform uncomfortably. "But... I heard that in the real world, this colour was meant for females", he said, a little confused.

"Oh, no", Frozenpixie reassured him. "It's for anyone. Mainly for really powerful, awesome people, like the espada", she smiled at him, and the green eyed espada nodded, although he still wasn't entirely comfortable with his uniform.

Szayel looked even more ridiculous than the others, his pink uniform clashing with his vibrant pink hair. Nnoitra looked extremely angry, and the two shinigami began to worry that he would decide to attack them. Starrk however was strutting around proudly in his new attire. "I think I look pretty hot, dont'cha think?", he said.

Figliedellatempesta and Frozenpixie stifled a giggle, "yeah, not bad", they said. Matsumoto seemed to agree however, and was looking rather flirtatiously at the primera.

"Ok", Matsumoto said, trying to get the class' attention back. "Time to learn how to be sexy". She flicked her hair, batted her eyelashes and gave the class a flirtatious look. That got most of the espada's attention. Apart from Nel who just giggled, and Ulquiorra who looked a bit confused as to why the strange, disproportionate woman was swishing her head around in that odd way.

Wonderweiss stared up at her with eyes like saucers, rather fascinated by her large breasts. "Mahh... mine", he said.

"Er, no", Rangiku said, "can someone stop that creepy kid from staring at me please?"

"Ok, lesson one, how to make your clothes sexy". She looked at their uniforms. "Um, well, I'm not sure even I can make this uniform sexy, but I'll try! Ok, firstly, you need to show a bit of flesh, like me", she indicated the front of her robes, which she had deliberately pulled down as far as she could.

Grimmjow frowned. "Well I don't even have a shirt", he complained.

"No, you don't", Matsumoto said happily. "Well, good work!" she said. "What about you, emo kid, I don't see you trying".

Ulquiorra stared blankly. "I don't understand. What would be the point in undoing the front of my uniform? Surely it is smarter like this? Why would anyone want to see my chest?"

Matsumoto frowned for a second, "um... because that's how you look sexy, ok?"

"Oh. What is sexy?"

Matsumoto sighed. This class was going to be a LOT harder than she had thought. "It means, like, you know... people will fancy you more... er, they will like wanna, you know...??"

"Have sexual intercourse with me?", Ulquiorra replied, completely deadpan.

Matsumoto blushed. Only someone like Ulquiorra could make the concept sound so terrifying. "Er, yeah, I guess thats the idea", she said, a little embarrassed.

"Ok", she surveyed the room. He handiwork was not having a good effect. In fact, all they had succeeded in doing was making the espada look even more terrifying than before.

"Hmm... well, maybe we should move on to lesson two then? I think some of you really need to rethink your hairstyles, and er... Ulquiorra, does your face naturally look like that, or is it some kind of makeup?"

Grimmjow almost fell of his chair laughing at the pale espada's confused expression. "I don't understand the question", Ulquiorra said. Matsumoto blushed again.

"Lesson two: Flirting! So, say there is a woman you like, what would you say to her?"

"How about, hey sexy lets f-", Grimmjow started, but was cut off by Rangiku.

"Er, no, thats not exactly subtle, Grimmjow! Besides, what if they don't fancy you, you need to try and get their attention first."

The espada all looked a bit confused. "But, if they say no, can't we just force them to do what we want?", Nnoitra asked.

"NO!", Rangiku replied in horror. "Its about _flirting _not tying people up and dragging them back to your room!!"

"I don't understand", Ulquiorra said, "If I tell a woman to come with me, and she tries to refuse, then I just threaten her, for example by saying I will kill her friends."

The other espada nodded and muttered their agreement.

"Psychological trickery", Szayel added, "You just have to wear down someone's resistance and make them completely obedient." Ulquiorra nodded.

Rangiku put her head in her hands. "What have I let myself in for?", she muttered. "You're supposed to try and win them over by being _nice _and _flirting_! Not forcing them or tricking them! How about... you're in a bar, and you see a woman that you like, how could you get her attention?"

"Like this", the primera said, strolling over to where Matsumoto was standing, and pinching her on the bum, causing her to squeal and blush.

Giggling slightly, she replied, "er, well, that could work, but it could get you a slap!"

Nnoitra put up his hand. "Nothing violent!", Matsumoto added, quickly. Nnoitra put his hand down, looking disappointed. "How about, a nice smile?", she said, giving the class an example of her biggest grin. "Let's start with you, Grimmjow". The sexta grinned at Matsumoto, leaving her rather terrified. "Uhhmm... I was thinking a bit more friendly, and a bit less like you are going to eat me. Work on it! Er... Nnoitra?". His grin was equally terrifying.

"I think it needs to be a bit... nicer, guys. Not a grin like you are going to kill someone, a smile like you like them! Ulquiorra, you give it a try". The cuarta looked at her with his huge green eyes as if he was afraid of her. "Just a smile!", she said, encouragingly. The cuarta's face twitched slightly and he moved his lips slightly, into an expression that somehow made him look even sadder than he did before. "Crap", Rangiku muttered to herself. "Well, I think that's enough for today, I'm exhausted! Time for lunch!", she said, brightening up considerably.

At the back of the class, Frozenpixie and Figliedellatempesta were giggling their heads off together. The soul society wasn't going to know what had hit them when these bad boys got unleashed!


	3. Cookery Time

Grimmjow looked as if he sincerely regretted signing up for cookery class. He had thought it would be a nice change from the terrors he was used to, but two factors meant that this was most definitely not so.

First, the required uniform for this class was not the tight-fitting pink trousers which he secretly thought looked rather fetching on him, but an equally pink frilly apron. Just an apron. Oh, and a chef hat. He would have liked to demand why he was wearing nothing but a skimpy pink apron whilst the others were at least still decked out in their uniform underneath their own aprons, but factor number two made this a very unwise move.

Factor number two was that, at the front of the class, wearing his own pink, frilly apron, was Zaraki Kenpachi, wearing a grin which dared anyone to so much as scratch their nose. Behind him, looking as if all their fantasies had come true, sat Frozenpixie and Figliedellatempesta. Figliedellatempesta flashed him a winning smile as he looked murderously at the two inches of her which were not shielded by the immense bulk of Kenpachi. She had told him the apron was mandatory, and had whipped his trousers out of sight the second he had removed them. He was sure he could hear Nnoitra sniggering behind him.

"Right, ladies," Kenpachi growled. "Welcome to cookery class. We're making chocolate chip cookies, and they'd better be edible, because Yachiru told me to bring them back for her. If they're not, you get thrown out the window and bounced by your head onto the roof, where I will pierce you with the weathervane and spin you around till you puke. If anyone wants to make any comments about the apron," he paused and grinned menacingly. "Go right ahead."

There was a ringing silence in the room.

"All right then." Kenpachi looked a little disappointed. A violent confrontation about his fashion statement would have been more up his street than baking with a bunch of evil-turned-pussy arrancars, but he had promised Yachiru. "First, take the flour, dump it in the bowl, and mix it about a bit with the other stuff 'til it looks like this." He tore open the packets and dumped them in his bowl in a puff of flour, then pulped them energetically with his bare fist until it resembled nothing more than slurry.

"Hey, you're really good at this," Frozenpixie ventured, peering over his shoulder. "I didn't know you could bake."

"Yachiru makes me," he explained. "And I get a lot of practice beating people up. The technique is really the same. Smash it until it stops resisting."

"...huh," Frozenpixie said dreamily, looking at the goo beneath Kenpachi's clenched fist.

"Excuse me, the small blue-haired child has stolen my sugar," Ulquiorra stated, looking dejected as usual in his big white chef hat.

"Nel was hungry," Nel explained. Kenpachi was reminded strongly of Yachiru, and decided not to throw her out of the window.

"Pair up with that guy," Kenpachi said, jerking his thumb towards Wonderweiss, who was looking absently out the window, occasionally stuffing another fistful of flour into his ear, nose or mouth. "And don't let him eat them eggs." Ulquiorra looked disdainfully at the childlike arrancar, and shot out one white hand to prevent him from inhaling another fistful of flour.

"Ourra," Wonderweiss protested mildly, turning his flour-rimmed purple eyes to the fourth espada. "Mnnnh."

"I am given to believe that if you do not eat all of the separate components at this point, they can be combined to make something slightly more palatable," Ulquiorra explained carefully, his voice coloured with scepticism. His other hand shot out as Wonderweiss grabbed at the eggs.

Elsewhere, Grimmjow looked as if he had perked up considerably. Using both his fists, he was repeatedly pummelling his own ingredients, sending great gobbets of dough flying through the air, most of them landing on the irritated Szayel, whose batter was sticking to his manicured fingers like glue and refused to come off.

"Hey, these bowls can take a lot of damage," he said admiringly.

"I had them reinforced," Frozenpixie beamed. "Kenpachi broke twelve in the demo session, so I thought we'd need something a bit stronger."

"Wonderweiss, put that knife down," Figliedellatempesta said sternly over the noise of industriously stirring espada. "Ulquiorra, I thought you were supposed to be watching him."

"I am not a childminder," Ulquiorra deadpanned. "My mind is preoccupied with the task of stirring. It is strangely satisfying."

"Got that right," Grimmjow called loudly, grinning maniacally as he continued to squish his fists into his dough. "Them eggs take a lot of working in."

"You are incompetent as ever, Grimmjow," Ulquiorra sighed. "It is necessary to remove the shells first."

"Nah, I think he's got 'em ground down into sand anyway," Kenpachi said thoughtfully, peering over the enthusiastic espada's shoulder. "Good technique."

The rest of the class looked from one wide grin to the other, and shuddered. It looked like Grimmjow and Kenpachi were _bonding. _

"Right, everyone done?" Kenpachi looked around at the assembled espada. Nel was covered in flour and sitting in a heap of eggshells, her entire stock of ingredients consumed in her black pit of a mouth. She looked very pleased with herself. Szayel looked as if his hands were coated in lumpy beige gloves. Nnoitra looked close to tears as he surveyed the mini-explosion in front of him. Grimmjow looked a little disappointed to be asked to stop his energetic ministrations, but what was left of his batter, the bit which wasn't stuck in clumps to Szayel's pink hair, was perfect. So, surprisingly, was Ulquiorra's. His work surface was spotless, and he had placated Wonderweiss with a heap of eggshells, which he was examining with an absorbed expression before grinding them into fine powder.

"Fine, those of you with something resembling _this" – _Kenpachi raised his own dough in an unappetising lump – "stick in a bunch of chocolate chips and cut out circles with these cookie cutters, then stick 'em in the oven. Do not stick Nel in the oven, Nnoitra, or I'll pull your arms out of their sockets and stick 'em up your rear." Nnoitra scowled and skulked back to his cluttered surface.

Half an hour later, Kenpachi surveyed the finished offerings. Only Grimmjow had managed to produce anything resembling cookies, and he was looking immensely cocky about it. He had a large bruise on his jaw, decorated with bits of raw dough, where an enraged Szayel had socked him for laughing about his batter-encased hands, which Nel was now 'cleaning', eating the gluey dough straight off his fingers. Ulquiorra looked crestfallen, having had it pointed out by Frozenpixie, who was trying to muffle her laughter, that he was supposed to put the circular cut-outs in the oven rather than the holey pastry. His finished result bore a more than passing resemblance to a hollow with multiple hollow holes, or Mayuri after a particularly fierce battle.

"I hope you lot could fight better than you can bake," Kenpachi scolded the espada. "Cos this shit couldn't be fed to a hollow. 'Cept you, Grimmjow. You're not bad, for an espada." Grimmjow grinned arrogantly and swept his hat off in a heroic bow. Frozenpixie swooned.

"I fail to see how my efforts are not to be commended," sulked Ulquiorra. "Grimmjow's product is deeply flawed. His chocolate chips are not evenly distributed."

"Stick it, Ulquiorra," Grimmjow snapped. "My cookies can kick your stupid holey-thing's ass."

"All right, class dismissed," Figliedellatempesta said hastily as the fourth and sixth arrancars squared up to fight each other. Who'd have thought they'd take this class so seriously? "Szayel, Nnoitra, you guys can clear up."

"Hey, that's not fair," protested Nnoitra angrily. A huge shadow descended over him. Kenpachi raised a cookie'cutter threateningly.

"Clean this crap up," he said menacingly. "Or I'll cut you a new hollow hole."


	4. Sports Day

Hi, a new chapter, enjoy! Please review if you have any comments to make, and feel free to suggest ideas if you want!! :D

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Since the espada had stopped being espada, they had been slacking off rather a lot, Figliedellatempesta noted to herself. They had been banned from fighting each other, but they seemed to also be getting far too comfortable with their comfy beds and daily meals, not to mention Grimmjow's newfound talent at baking cookies. It was for this reason that Figliedellatempesta and Frozenpixie had decided that the espada needed some exercise. Well, that and they thought it would be funny!

So, it was a chilly morning, and all the espada were lined up, dressed in tracksuits, faced by an annoyingly peppy looking Figliedellatempesta, also wearing a tracksuit and a rather low-cut sports vest. Frozenpixie was sitting at the side wrapped in a blanket with a cup of tea and a book. She had mainly just come along to enjoy the spectacle, and didn't especially want to get involved in this particular crazy scheme.

"Ok. I think you espada are getting far too lazy, and if I have to say so, some of you are putting on a bit of weight!". Grimmjow looked dejectedly at his usually extremely toned body, which was looking slightly less impressively fit recently. Starrk and Szayel were also looking a bit less toned, although it seemed to be impossible to get Nnoitra and Ulquiorra to be anything other than extremely pale and skinny. "Today, we are going to be playing a nice game of football", she said, with a broad grin on her face. "Ok, I am going to split you into 2 teams: Team A: Starrk, Szayel, Nel, Nnoitra. Team B: Grimmjow, Ulquiorra, Wonderweiss. Since there are an odd number of you, I will have to be on Grimmjow's team", she said happily, smiling at the 6th espada and wriggling her top a little lower.

Frozenpixie looked a little annoyed at this. "Hey, I know, I have a new rule. All male espada have to play with their shirts off!"... this should make it a bit more fun to watch stupid old football, she thought to herself with a smirk.

The espada wriggled miserably out of their shirts. Apart from Szayel and Grimmjow who looked rather pleased about showing off their bodies. Ulquiorra looked particularly dejected, and was standing in the corner shivering and looking miserable. He didn't know what football was, but he was sure he wasn't going to like it. Nnoitra and Grimmjow, however looked quite enthusiastic. They were glaring at each other in a highly competitive way.

"Now you will see that I am the best espada", Nnoitra said gloatingly to Grimmjow.

"Hah. What nonsense. You might be one number higher than me, but that doesn't mean shit", Grimmjow yelled back.

"No arguing", Figliedellatempesta said. "Right. Here are the rules. Well, I don't really understand football very well, but basically, you guys want to kick the ball into that goal, and you lot want to kick it into that one. No violence, no sprouting extra arms or legs... any questions? Ok, go!", she yelled.

Frozenpixie sat back in her chair, enjoying her cup of tea and laughing to herself at the pitiful excuse for a football game that Figliedellatempesta had set up. Wonderweiss kept running and trying to grab the ball, launching random ceros at anyone who tried to kick it further away from him. Ulquiorra was merely standing at the edge of the field, looking miserably at the ball and wondering what on earth this strange activity was supposed to achieve. Nel didn't seem to understand the game at all and was kicking the ball completely at random- at the other team, into the other team's goal, off the side of the pitch... Starrk was acting as "goalkeeper", which basically involved leaning against one of the goalposts looking like he'd rather go back to bed.

The other four, however, seemed to be getting into the competitive spirit. Szayel was trying, but seemed to be very concerned about not getting mud on his clothes, or messing up his hair. Grimmjow and Nnoitra were running full pelt, each using more and more dirty tactics to try and defeat the other. Figliedellatempesta was starting to realise she should have added more rules, such as: not using sonido to get instantly from one side of the pitch to the other, and not using cero, as the ball really couldn't stand up to it, and it was rather unfair on the one non-hollow member of the team.

The game was brought to a slightly premature end when Nel swallowed the ball whole, beaming and looking very proud of herself, as if this was somehow the objective of the game, like catching the snitch in a game of quidditch. Grimmjow and Nnoitra glared at her angrily.

"I always knew women shouldn't be allowed to play", Nnoitra hissed. "You've ruined it, as usual, you stupid bitch!"

"Yeah!", Grimmjow added, "We were winning as well!"

"No you weren't", Nnoitra growled back, "We were one goal ahead of you"

"Don't try and lie!". The two glared at each other threateningly.

"Er, Frozenpixie", Figliedellatempesta called. "What was the score?"

"Hmm, score?", she replied, looking up from her book, "er... Grimmjow won", she made up.

Grimmjow grinned triumphantly. "Who's the best espada now, huh?", he taunted.

"What? What rubbish. It is obvious that my team did better, and even if we didn't, it was because I got stuck on a team with a lazy idiot and a kid."

"Eh? I was on a team with Wonderweiss and Ulquiorra!!", Grimmjow shot back.

Nnoitra and Grimmjow lunged at each other, fighting in a rather petty, childish way, Grimmjow pulling Nnoitra's long, black hair and laughing, while Nnoitra attempted to kick Grimmjow in the nuts.

Ulquiorra stared at them emotionlessly. "Why are you fighting over the result of this foolish, human game?", he asked them impassively.

"He cheated!", Nnoitra yelled.

"No! He's a pathetic, bad loser who can't admit I'm better than him!"

"What? I am the 5th espada!", Nnoitra stuck out his tongue to prove it. "Last time I checked, 5 was higher than 6!"

Frozenpixie coughed. "Geez, its just a game!", she said, wondering why the 2 espada were getting so competitive over something so silly.

"Yes", Figliedellatempesta agreed, trying to keep the peace, "You all did very well. Well, I was very impressed with you two Grimmjow and Nnoitra. Ulquiorra and Starrk, you need to try harder!". She looked down at wonderweiss who was chewing the net she had used to make one of the goals, and Nel, who had just burped up the bedraggled remains of the football, looking very happy with herself. She pulled a face. "You two... well, I don't think you understood the game very well", she said, "But its ok... time for lunch!". Most of the espada brightened up at the promise of food and headed off for the dining room.


	5. Art Class

"Ok, listen up everyone", Frozenpixie called out, enthusiastically. "You should all be very excited, since today Byakuya-sama from the 6th division has volunteered to give you all an art lesson. I think this will be very good for getting rid of agression and unleashing the creative side I'm sure you all have. Kuchiki-taichou, thanks a lot for agreeing to take this lesson!"

Byakuya gave her a look that he hadn't so much "volunteered" as given in to a lot of nagging, and that she was probably going to have a confrontation with Senbonzakura very soon in the future. Frozenpixie merely smiled cheerfully and took up a seat at the back of the class. "I'm very keen to learn from your skills too, taichou", she said, trying to massage his ego enough to get him to not change his mind.

Byakuya glared slightly. He had paperwork to do, not to mention training, and that... thing he was meant to do... well, anything not to be standing at the front of a group of bored looking espada with nothing but a paintbrush to defend himself.

"Very well. I will attempt to impart some of my knowledge on you, but I do not expect any of you to be able to grasp the skills which it takes to reach a decent level of artistry", he said, grandly. "Firstly, could you all take out your paintbrushes and get behind an easel please".

The espada scrambled into place, ready to learn, or at least to splash some paint about. "Perhaps we could start with a simple exercise of painting a still life", he gestured to a neat arrangement of fruits and flowers at the front of the classroom. "Now, you hold your brush like this, this technique is called..."

Byakuya's words largely fell on deaf ears. Wonderweiss and Nel were already fighting with paint and sticking their paintbrushes into their noses or ears and laughing. Grimmjow had decided not to listen to Byakuya at all, and was shoving the paint on haphazardly with no thought at all. The only people who seemed to be listening to Byakuya were Ulquiorra and Frozenpixie, who were both staring at him with wide eyes.

"... and thus, you should be able to add one more final detail to complete your piece", Byakuya said, flourishing his paintbrush. Frozenpixie and Figliedellatempesta walked around to inspect all the attempts. Byakuya's painting was beautiful. Neat and perfect, with detailed shading and vibrant colours. Wonderweiss and Nel had pretty much just chucked paint at their paper in random combinations. Szayel Aporro had... well, he seemed to have tried, but everything was completely out of proportion, misshapen and badly painted. Grimmjow seemed to have started off painting the still life quite neatly, but then gotten angry and rammed his hand through the page. Starrk had pretty much just painted some circles and not bothered to add any colour or detail at all.

Nnoitra and Ulquiorra on the other hand had done a really good job. Ulquiorra had copied Byakuya's instructions more or less word for word, and his painting had come out perfect. Nnoitra on the other hand, didn't seem to have listened at all, but rather had painted his own interpretation, which was so artistic that the two shinigami stared at it with their mouths open. "Wow, Nnoitra... that's really good", Figliedellatempesta said, surprised at the espada's hidden artistic skill.

Byakuya stared at the various levels of devastation on the papers around the classroom with dismay. The only paintings which pleased him were Ulquiorra's and Frozenpixie's. He didn't seem to see eye to eye with Nnoitra's artistic vision, and he was horrified by the mess everyone else had made.

"Ulquiorra and Frozenpixie, you have done very well. The rest of you don't seem to have what it takes. However, the next exercise is in creative painting, so you may paint whatever you wish. Maybe you will fail a little less miserably at that?"

Ten minutes in to the lesson, most of the espada had enthusiastically started painting away, apart from Ulquiorra who was staring miserably at his blank page. Byakuya noticed this and came over, "What's wrong, espada?", he asked.

"You have not instructed me what to paint, I don't know what I should do", he said, expressionlessly.

"Thats why its called creative painting", Byakuya replied, with some exasperation. "Paint something that you like, or that interests you."

Ulquiorra continued to stare blankly, before his eyes lit up and he began to paint.

At the end of the class, Figliedellatempesta and Byakuya walked around and looked at what everyone had painted. Starrk had not bothered to paint anything at all, which made Byakuya annoyed. Szayel Aporro had painted a laboratory with all sorts of strange scientific equpiment, which was rather better than his attempt at the still life. Grimmjow had painted Byakuya with a sword through his head, which made Frozenpixie and Figliedellatempesta stifle a laugh. Frozenpixie had painted a fantastic picture of Ukitake-taichou with his shikai, and Nnoitra had painted a very artistic but rather gruesome battle scene, which involved himself standing triumphantly next to the corpse of Zaraki-taichou. Ulquiorra had painted... well, he had painted a perfect replica of Aizen-sama. Grimmjow laughed his head off when he saw what Ulquiorra had painted. "Aizen?", he laughed, "you really are a weird one Ulquiorra. You do know he's not your boss anymore right?".

Ulquiorra just stared back. " Well he told me to paint something I like. I can't think of anything else I like."

Frozenpixie and Figliedellatempesta decided to go and see what the great Kuchiki-sama had painted, expecting something rather grand and impressive. Perhaps a beautiful scene of some sakura trees? They both stifled another giggle when they saw the weirdly shaped, smiling cartoon figure on the page. "Wow, thats... great, Kuchiki-taichou", Frozenpixie muttered.

"Well, that's enough for today's lesson", Byakuya said, exhausted. "Please don't say I have to do another lesson."

Frozenpixie and Figliedellatempesta just smiled identical evil smiles. "We'll see", they said.

* * *

Please note, the Home for Abandoned Espada is a charity, we rely on donations of reviews to keep up our work! :D Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed so far!


	6. Field Trip

"So we've been noticing a few of you have been getting a little restless cooped up here in our little shelter," Figliedellatempesta announced to the usual bunch of sulking, scowling, daydreaming and yawning espada. "And being the kind souls that we are, we've organised a field trip to the real world for you all. I'm afraid its winter down there at the moment, so we got the sewing class to make you these lovely warm coats so you don't get chilly." Figliedellatempesta looked expectantly at Frozenpixie, who produced a big sack and up-ended it on the table, revealing some rather tasteful, in her opinion, black coats with pink speed-stripes down the front, and the numbers of the ex-espada embossed on the back, except for Grimmjow's, which bore the legend #1 Sexy. He grinned cockily and sneered a little at Nnoitra as he shrugged on the jacket. Nnoitra poked his tattooed tongue out at the sixth espada, and donned his own #5 jacket, which went stunningly with his hair, a fact that Frozenpixie was not slow to notice; she had been making eyes at the fifth espada ever since the art class.

"Soi Fon taichou and Ise fukutaichou have been kind enough to agree to supervise your little expedition, and I want to hear _good reports _of your behaviour or we'll be signing you all up to another music class." This got a shudder from each and every one of the assembled espada; being forced to sing along to the Lion King with Yachiru was enough to traumatise even the most seasoned warrior, especially when she had found the drum-kit.

Soi Fon and Nanao stood at the front of the troop, looking every bit as icy and intimidating as ever. The espada found themselves automatically standing a little straighter as the twin stony gazes swept over their ranks.

"If any of you get lost, we have Kurosaki Ichigo on patrol to send you back to us, and he has informed the divisions that he has no qualms about going bankai on your asses," Nanao said, her tone businesslike. "Any questions?" Several hands raised up. "Any questions not involving how badly you are allowed to maim our substitute shinigami?" Nnoitra, Grimmjow and Szayel all put their hands down. "All right, let's move."

It was snowing in the real world, and the ground was already covered. It was too much for even the two strict shinigami to control, as the espada split off into several different directions in the blink of an eye, until the only one in sight was Wonderweiss, who sat in mid-air trying to catch snowflakes in his mouth.

"Damn," Soi Fon cursed. "I'll keep an eye on the west side of town, you take the east. I think it's safe to leave this one here." She gestured at Wonderweiss, who was watching in fascination as the tiny flakes of snow melted on his hand. Nanao nodded, and flashed off after Starrk and Ulquiorra, whilst Soi Fon caught up to Szayel, Nnoitra, Nel and Grimmjow.

She supposed it was unsurprising that even the espada acted like little kids in the snow. Grimmjow and Nnoitra were engaged in the bloodiest snowball fight she had ever seen, with intermittent bursts of cero dispensing with the obstacles such as park benches and lampposts.

"That's right, there's nowhere to hide, you pussy," roared Grimmjow in glee as he destroyed a small tree which Nnoitra had been crouching behind. "Eat snow, Nnoitra!" Nnoitra grinned, and grew four more arms, churning out snowballs at a pace that made even the flash master Soi Fon dizzy.

Leaving them to it, she scanned the area for the others; Szayel was industriously building a very anatomically incorrect snowman. Nel was nowhere in sight, but after a few minutes of observation Soi Fon noticed with horror a small tuft of turquoise hair poking out of the base of Szayel's creation, and immediately went over to pull the small child out. To her astonishment, Nel was laughing.

"Szayel is Nel's new brudder," the child proclaimed happily. "Snow-death is even funner than tag-death." Raising her eyes at the strange little child and giving Szayel an unapologetic shrug at destroying his snowman, Soi Fon turned to see how the other two were doing; Nnoitra had Grimmjow pinned to the ground and was trying to use him as a human sledge.

"All right, that does it. Sting all enemies to death, Suzumebachi."

On the other side of town, Nanao was not having much more luck. She had tracked down the primera espada without difficulty; he had made his way to the nearest bar and was working his way through the harder liquors at a steady pace. Used to dealing with Shunsui on a daily basis, Nanao had given him the fan-to-the-head treatment and ordered him a hot-chocolate. Ulquiorra was a little harder to trace. The morose espada seemed to have disappeared from the face of the earth.

"We need to keep these guys on leashes," she grumbled to herself as she trekked through the slushy streets. If it hadn't been for the bright pink #4 emblazoned on his back, she doubted she would have found him. He was standing stock still in the middle of a frozen lake, looking more like a marble statue than anything else. He didn't look particularly happy, but then he never did. At least he wasn't killing anything. Her phone bleeped, and she took it out. It was from frozenpixie.

_Stop by Urahara's for the ice skates._

Looking slightly anxious at the image of the espada on ice, she did as requested, sending a message to Soi Fon to round up the others. Fifteen minutes later, they were gathered around the immobile Ulquiorra, all wearing pink ice skates with little bows on the side. Grimmjow had a nosebleed and Nnoitra a black eye, but apart from that all the espada were healthy and accounted for.

"All right, everyone clear on the principle?" Nanao asked, having explained succinctly the basic art of ice skating. "Frozenpixie and Figliedellatempesta have informed us that the best skater will get a prize."

"Hah, that prize is mine," Grimmjow boasted, performing a very graceful figure of eight on the ice, to Soi Fon's surprise. She hadn't expected the very physical espada to be so graceful.

"Oh yeah? Bring it," Nnoitra dared, executing an immaculate twist. Soi Fon rolled her eyes.

"Do I have to get involved again, you two?" she asked threateningly, raising her index finger. Nanao noticed both of them had bold black flowers printed on their foreheads. They looked resentfully at the tiny captain, and continued eyeing each other up out of the corners of their eyes. "Ok, let's go."

Ulquiorra, it turned out, had been standing stock still for a good reason; the espada had the sense of balance of a rubber ball, and fell flat on his face after less than a second, to the loud laughter of Nnoitra and Grimmjow. Starrk was perfectly proficient, but couldn't be bothered with any fancy moves, and spent most of the time loitering, occasionally performing a lazy circuit when Nanao glared at him. Szayel was not much better than Ulquiorra, and had resorted to using his zanpakuto as a sort of crutch as he skidded haphazardly around the ice. Nel seemed to have a knack for tripping everyone else up, zipping around at knee-height and sending Nnoitra flying into an irate Szayel.

Once again, nobody was keeping a proper eye on Wonderweiss. Sat in the middle of the frozen lake, he had contented himself with pulling the laces of his boots to shreds, but he was now examining the ice, moving his head speculatively from side to side and watching his reflection move with it. Without preamble, his small fist came crashing down into the thick ice, cracking it straight down the middle.

Cold, dripping and thoroughly pissed, the espada stood panting at the edge of the totally destroyed lake.

"Stupid kid," Grimmjow groused. "I never got to hand Nnoitra's ass to him on a plate."

"Lucky escape for you," Nnoitra muttered, then yelped as Grimmjow grabbed a handful of sooty hair and tugged. His long finders sought Grimmjow's eyes. Both froze when Soi Fon called out her shikai, hovering menacingly inches from their foreheads.

"One last warning, worms," she purred. They let go immediately and tucked their hands behind their backs, the picture of very menacing innocence. A smack behind her told her that Nanao had already dealt with the shifty production of a hip flask from Starrk's pocket.

"Right, that's it, time to get back home," Nanao snapped, sounding rather harassed. "The girls aren't going to like our report."

Slouching back through the senkai gate, Grimmjow managing to palm one last handful of snow down Nnoitra's back, they were met by the two ruthlessly cheerful shinigami, both holding large bars of chocolate.

"We ran into Ukitake-taichou and he said Toshiro didn't want them, so he gave them to us for the winning espada," Frozenpixie explained.

"I don't think any of this bunch deserves any reward," Nanao said dryly. Figliedellatempesta looked up, eyes shining.

"Does that mean spanking?" she sounded a little too hopeful.

"Wait," Frozenpixie said, frowning. "Where's Ulquiorra?" The others looked around, too. The green-eyed espada was nowhere to be seen. Just then, the senkai gate opened again, and Kurosaki Ichigo emerged, dragging a very dishevelled Ulquiorra by the scruff of his neck.

"I found him floating on a little iceberg in the lake," Ichigo said, trying and failing to suppress a grin at the even more miserable than usual expression on Ulquiorra's face. "I couldn't even bring myself to kick his sorry ass, he looked so pathetic."

"Oops," Soi Fon did not look bothered at all. Figliedellatempesta looked horrified.

"Oh no! I'll have to give you a nice hot bath and lots and lots of tea. My poor little Ulquiorra!" Frozenpixie, however, had her eyes narrowed on the rest of the espada.

"Hands up who noticed and didn't say anything," she said dangerously. "If you lie to me I will force you all to do extra chores for the next month." Szayel shifted awkwardly, and Nnoitra played with his hair. Grimmjow had a large grin on his face that he was not even attempting to suppress.

"All right, that's it. You three, next chapter, I'm sending you down to fourth squad to help Unohana-taichou clean out the medical supply closet," Frozenpixie snapped. She grinned evilly. "And their rest rooms. With toothbrushes."

A horrified silence resounded through the shelter's courtyard.

* * *

Basically, this story can go indefinitely until a) we get bored of writing it, or b) you get bored of reading it. so do let us know if we should keep writing or if we have done enough!


	7. Swimming Lesson

Disclaimer: No espada were harmed during the making of this chapter. Oh and we're both over 18, so perving on espada is completely legal, right?

* * *

"Ok, what about... Shuuhei?", Figliedellatempesta suggested.

"Ooh, yeah, he'd look pretty nice in some speedos", Frozenpixie agreed, happily. "Who else? Well, Renji, definitely".

"Definitely", Figliedellatempesta nodded. "Kuchiki-taichou?"

Frozenpixie snorted. "Good luck getting him to agree to that!"

"Yeah, you're right. Well, Ukitake-taichou then"

Frozenpixie blushed a little. "Well, he definitely looks good in swimwear!"

"Great, so we're decided then, those 3 can help out with the swim class!"

"But how are we going to persuade them to help out?"

Figliedellatempesta held up two very small bikinis, one dark blue, one hot pink. "Oh, I don't think it will be too hard!", she smirked.

-

The next day found the two shinigami, two fukutaichous, one taichou and 7 rather nervous looking espada lining up along the side of a large swimming pool, all dressed in various swimsuits. Ukitake-taichou was modelling some rather sexy surfer-style beach cool, Renji was showing off his fit body in laid back surfer trunks, and Shuuhei was wearing speedos, as Figliedellatempesta had predicted. The poor espada had been handed out regulation swimtrunks, apart from Grimmjow who was wearing a very small, tight pair, since the shinigami had conveniently "run out" of the standard black trunks.

Figliedellatempesta and Frozenpixie were looking very happy with their handiwork. Their skimpy bikinis were also having the desired effect with getting the attention of all the male espada.

"It has come to our attention that, presumably, none of you espada can swim", Figliedellatempesta began. "Since there is no water in Hueco Mundo, I am guessing that none of you have ever swam before?" The espada shook their heads mutely.

"Well, in the real world, it is very important to know how to swim. Just imagine if you somehow fell into a lake or something, we wouldn't want you to drown, so, we have these three kind volunteers to help us out with teaching you all to swim".

The espada didn't look too pleased with this prospect. "You mean, we actually have to get in there?", Starrk grumbled.

"Yeah", Szayel added, "it looks cold, and you never know what germs and stuff could be in there", he pulled a face.

Nnoitra and Grimmjow didn't look much more keen, but they both wanted to appear tough in front of the other espada, so they refrained from making a fuss. "Don't be such pussies", Grimmjow sneered, "its just some water. We're the top 10 arrancar, we must have some natural ability at this!"

"Yes, you do have to get in there", Frozenpixie replied sternly, "Or we will call Kenpachi and he will kick you all in!

"Heh, as if", Nnoitra sneered. Renji glared at him, which shut him up for the time being.

"Ok, get in the pool", Renji yelled, enjoying the opportunity to boss the espada around.

Nel, Wonderweiss, Nnoitra and Grimmjow all jumped in without hesitation, surfacing several seconds later looking bedraggled and cold. The others looked reluctant.

"Oh yeah, we forgot to mention, you will get some nice hot chocolate afterwards if you are good", Frozenpixie said, trying to cheer the espada up a bit. Ulquiorra's emerald eyes lit up, and he too jumped into the pool. Starrk followed reluctantly. It was just the octava espada who refused to get in.

"Oi, you, pinky", Renji said, "get in, we don't have all day y'know!"

Szayel scowled and looked at the water with distaste. Renji pulled a face. "Don't tell me that you're afraid of water!?"

"I'm not afraid", the 8th espada replied hastily, "I just... it doesn't look very clean in there", he muttered.

"Haha", Grimmjow laughed, "you're pathetic Szayel, just admit that you're scared".

The espada's face turned as pink as his hair. "I'm fine", he said, unconvincingly.

"Ahh grow up", Renji muttered, and shoved Szayel into the pool. He came back up spluttering and gasping, soaking wet and looking utterly terrified. The other espada snickered at the pathetic sight.

Ukitake looked as though he felt a bit sorry for him. "Renji, I don't think that was very kind", he said.

Renji shrugged. "Let's just get on with teaching these useless mugs to swim, shall we?"

The three teachers dived neatly into the pool, to the appreciation of the other two shinigami. "Right", Shuuhei began, "lets start off with front crawl, the three of us are here incase anyone needs any help, so just relax".

Szayel looked like he couldn't be any less relaxed if they had chucked him into a pit of poisonous snakes, he was clinging to the side of the pool as if he was afraid he would drown if he let go. Ukitake tried to calm down the panicked octava, but failed miserably. The others laughed at him, but Szayel was too scared to care.

Shuuhei and Renji had begun doing speedy lengths, showing off to the two shinigami, who were sitting on the side of the pool watching with big smiles on their faces. Grimmjow glared. He'd show them how a real man did this! He launched himself forwards, splashing so violently that he soaked the two girls who were on the side of the pool. They glared at him in annoyance. Grimmjow managed to get about two feet, before struggling to stand back up again. "Wow, this swimming thing is harder than it looks", he complained.

Nnoitra laughed at him. "Well, we wouldn't expect any more from the 6th espada. Maybe you should let me show you how to do it properly." The quinta made an equally pathetic attempt at swimming, flailing his limbs around like some sort of strange insect. Grimmjow laughed his head off.

"Oh right, now I see how the incredible Nnoitra does it, now I realise how I should have been doing it!", he sniggered, sarcastically.

Nnoitra glared at him and the quinta and the sexta began trying to drown each other by shoving each other's heads under the water. Ulquiorra and Starrk looked at the two fighting espada with disgust. Starrk merely gave a small snort of derision, before neatly swimming from one end of the pool to the other, looking as if he had made no effort at all.

"Yeah, thats it", Renji said, "at least one of you isn't completely useless".

Ukitake smiled encouragingly, "well done". Starrk glared, not particularly impressed at being patronised by the captain. He was the primera espada, after all, of course he could do better than these idiots, he just usually chose not to bother.

"Ok", Shuuhei said, "what about you, number 4, what can you do?"

Ulquiorra glared, as if he thought this whole swimming thing was beneath him. "Fine", he muttered. The cuarta pulled a face as he swam across the pool and back again, rather skillfully,

"Wow", Frozenpixie muttered to herself, "who'da thought Ulquiorra could swim?"

Nnoitra and Grimmjow transferred their angry glares from each other to the cuarta. They both liked to think of themselves as macho, and they were embarrassed by the fact that the little 4th espada had shown them both up.

Ulquiorra stood back at the end of the pool, looking bored. "Is that satisfactory?", he asked.

Renji shrugged. "Yeah, sure. Keep going with that"

Meanwhile, Frozenpixie and Figliedellatempesta were having a good time sitting on the edge and watching. "Wow, did you notice Nnoitra's six pack before?", Figliedellatempesta mused.

"Oh, yeah. I really did. Can't argue with a bit of Grimmjow though."

"Mm, yeah, so true. Pity Ulquiorra's kinda short, or he'd definitely be my type."

"Szayel has a nice body, has to be said, he's gotta be gay though, right?"

"Hmm, yeah I agree. Hey, where the hell is his espada tattoo by the way?"

The two shinigami giggled to themselves as they wondered about this problem.

After an hour of swimming, the shinigami thought that it would be ok for them to stop. "Ok, good work people. Apart from Szayel. Make sure you shower afterwards. The shinigami women's association definitely haven't put any secret cameras in the men's showers, don't worry", Figliedellatempesta said, with a grin.

* * *

Thanks for reading. Feel free to review. Frozenpixie has baked a special cake in the shape of Ulquiorra's face, you only get a slice if you review.

Frozenpixie: But what if too many people review and there isn't enough?

Me: Well you better get baking some more then! Maybe next time you could work on the eyes, they're a bit lopsided!


	8. The Demon Drink

Here is another chapter for you :)

Ouran-fangirl135 and Elfenwindakachrno, please have some cake! Frozenpixie is baking you a new one in the shape of a semi naked Grimmjow, I hope you enjoy!!

* * *

"Uh, are you sure we should be doing this?" Ukitake muttered to Shunsui as the eighth division captain scanned the empty street before them for guards or witnesses.

"Of course. Sake is the saviour of the soul," Shunsui replied, his tone relaxed and carefree. Ukitake looked unconvinced, but turned to the gaggle of espada nonetheless.

"Ok, it's safe to go," he said. Grinning from ear to ear, Grimmjow, Nnoitra, Szayel, Ulquiorra and Starrk sauntered down the street, making for what Shunsui had promised them was the 'best bar in the whole damn Seireitei'. Well, Grimmjow, Nnoitra and Szayel were grinning. Ulquiorra looked his usual serious self, and Starrk managed to look bored and detached despite his immense anticipation for this outing; he and Shunsui had played poker the night before, the forfeit being as much sake as the other could drink. Shunsui had lost, much to his surprise (for some reason he hadn't anticipated that the primera espada would catch him cheating). When Grimmjow had found out about the plan, he had wanted in, too, and had promptly challenged Nnoitra to a drinking game, so the fifth espada had agreed to come along. Ukitake had discovered the plan, and, when he had been unable to talk Shunsui out of it, had invited all the other legal espada to join them in order to make it fair. Hence the current creeping of seven immensely powerful grown men around the shady streets of Seireitei in fear of two strict shinigami and their extensive spy network; the espada had been allowed nothing stronger than hot cocoa since their entrance into the shelter.

"Ok, I'm ordering," Shunsui called out over the noise of the bar. "Who wants what?"

"Whisky. Double," Starrk instructed, eyes shining.

"Make that two," Grimmjow added.

"Three," Nnoitra glared at Grimmjow.

"I'll have an appletini," Szayel said. "What?" he added, as the others all stared at him.

"Nothing at all," Shunsui said quickly, elbowing Nnoitra in the ribs as he began to snigger.

"How about you, Ulquiorra?" Ukitake asked kindly. The fourth espada was hunched at the back of the group, looking depressed.

"I do not wish to drink," Ulquiorra deadpanned.

"Lightweight," Grimmjow jeered.

"This is untrue. I have a high tolerance for all toxins. I simply do not wish to keep company with rowdy trash."

"Why did you come then?" Szayel asked.

"Because Figliedellatempesta attempts to come and tuck me into bed every night, and I wish to avoid her bedtime stories. They are somewhat disturbing." The perturbed look on Ulquiorra's face prevented anyone from probing further. Recently, Nnoitra had been receiving some very strange memos from the two shinigami himself, with the occasional very suggestive doodle. It was enough to drive any man to drink.

"I think I may reconsider having a drink," Ulquiorra decided, his face still preoccupied. "I may wish to impair my memory for a short span of time. Which drink is most palatable?"

"Another appletini for Ulquiorra," Szayel said triumphantly.

"It goes with your eyes," Shunsui complimented as Ulquiorra looked sceptically at the bright green cocktail. He took a cautious sip.

"This liquid is disgusting."

"I'll get you a beer, then," Shunsui told him.

"..No," Ulquiorra said. "I will persevere with this."

"Hrmm, _pussy_, ahemm," Grimmjow coughed surreptitiously. Ulquiorra glared.

Half an hour later Nnoitra and Grimmjow were both on their seventh shot, and neither looked remotely affected. Ukitake was watching with a mixture of concern and amusement. As Shunsui replenished his sake and Nnoitra choked on his eighth shot, spraying Grimmjow with whisky, amusement won, and he settled back to watch the two espada as they shot insults at each other and aimed kicks under the table.

The evening matured, and the espada slowly worked their way through every drop of alcohol in the bar. Ulquiorra had stubbornly refused to switch from appletinis to something more drinkable, and was struggling through his fifth glass with a long-suffering expression. Szayel, on the other hand, was trying to shuffle away from the attentions of a young male shinigami in a corner, who had come to the logical conclusion about Szayel's pink hair and girly cocktail and was edging his hand further and further up Szayel's thigh. Starrk and Shunsui were gambling again, and Shunsui was taking advantage of Starrk's seventh whisky to pull a card from the sleeve of his pink haori.

Grimmjow and Nnoitra were on their fourteenth shots, and had acquired an audience, including Matsumoto, who looked faintly impressed, Rukia, who looked a little intimidated and disapproving, and Kenpachi, who was clutching a pint and eyeing the two warriors with interest.

"Y'know your problem, Grimmjow," Nnoitra said, concentrating as he placed another shot glass on the table. "Is thayou think tha' your hair makesyou look all tough. Lookslike y'don't have a habri- a hobro- a _hairbrush."_

"Oh yeah?" Grimmjow grinned menacingly. "Leas' 'sa cool colour. Yours makes you look like a girl, 'n you wear a spoon."

"Wha's tha' gotta do with it?" Nnoitra asked defensively. "Women like a man with a fashion sense."

"Huh, look a' Szayel," Grimmjow laughed. "'Sobvilously not women who like that."

"Yoou saying I look like a girl?" Nnoitra demanded blearily, glaring at Grimmjow through narrowed eyes.

"Yeeeep," Grimmjow drawled happily, glad Nnoitra was sober enough to understand the insult. A grim chuckle came from the direction of Kenpachi.

"Least I don't go to sewing and baking classes," Nnoitra sniggered. Grimmjow's smile faded, and Rangiku suppressed her own giggle.

"Last man under the table's th'manliest man," he slurred angrily, tossing back his fifteenth shot.

"If you both go under the table together we're not gonna believe either of you's 'specially manly," Starrk called out over Shunsui's shoulder. A gale of laughter came from the audience as both men looked at each other, turned bright red, and began downing shots like there was no tomorrow. Rukia looked faintly confused by this until Rangiku leant down to whisper something into her ear, at which point she went bright pink and began to reassess a few recent incidents between Ichigo and Renji with new eyes.

After Szayel had punched his assailant across the room and through the window, Ulquiorra had slid gracefully sideways and begun to snore gently, and Starrk had caught Shunsui cheating and tried to pull off his hat, Ukitake decided that it was time to call it a night. Unfortunately, the fifth and sixth espada were still engaged in their competition, despite the fact that neither of them could find their mouths best try out of three.

"I think it's time to call it a night," Ukitake said tactfully. Two sets of bleary eyes tried to focus on him, and he smiled nervously.

"'Snot over 'til he's onna floor," Grimmjow enunciated mulishly. Nnoitra tried to nod and almost fell out of his chair.

"How about you call it a draw?" Ukitake suggested, eyeing the small mountain of empty shot glasses. The looks said it all.

A deep rumble came from behind him, and Kenpachi rose.

"Let me take care of it," he suggested, grinning evilly. He raised both his hands, and lifted the two espada by the scruffs of their necks, to feeble and very colourful protests. Ukitake left it to the eleventh captain, trying not to worry about the merciless glint in his eye. As the door swung shut, he heard Yachiru's chirpy voice.

"Did you bring me some toys to play with, Ken-chan?" He quickly turned his mind to the remaining espada; Starrk was helping Shunsui with the sleeping Ulquiorra, although the only reason they were both vertical was because they were leaning on each other. Szayel was on his feet and seemed relatively sober, but then, Mayuri always seemed to be remarkably alert even after drinking half of eleventh squad under the table. Maybe it was a scientist thing. He sighed, and resigned himself to getting everyone home safely as the first bars of 'Shinigami Vice' rang out in the emptying bar. It had been Shunsui's favourite drinking song for the last 100 years, and now it seemed he was teaching it to the unfortunate espada, too. He joined in wearily as Shunsui gave him a meaningful look, and steered the swaying men back to the ex-fifth division HQ.

-

"Good morning, espada," Frozenpixie said peppily as she entered the canteen the next morning. Starrk was asleep in his chair, a cup of black coffee in front of him, Ulquiorra was sitting very still and winced at the sound of her voice, and Szayel was looking deeply irritated after being teased mercilessly by a passing Renji for his 'vibe', whatever that meant. "I hope you're all fresh and alert for today, because we've been invited to the eleventh division for some friendly sparring today." Turning to leave the room, she didn't notice the identical looks of abject horror on the faces of a very pale Nnoitra and Grimmjow.

"What's up wiv you?" Nel asked, eyeing the two men. They both winced, and exchanged heartfelt glances which said 'we will never speak of this incident as long as we live.'

"Nel, never let Yachiru play you in a game of tag," Grimmjow advised the little girl. "Especially after twenty-two shots of whisky."

* * *

Always drink in moderation. LOL xx


	9. Bailar, baby!

Thanks for all the reviews recently, they make writing this worthwhile. Although it is fun to write anyway! Hope you like this chapter, I am a big salsa fan in real life, and I was listening to the 3rd Bleach soundtrack, with all the Hueco Mundo spanish music, and it made me want to dance, hence the idea.

* * *

It was the usual boring afternoon, and Frozenpixie and Figliedellatempesta were trying to think of an idea of something that could liven up the lessons that the espada had been having recently.

"It needs to be something fun", Figliedellatempesta explained.

"Hmm, well baking is fun, and so is painting", Frozenpixie said.

"Yeah, but I mean, fun fun, not that kinda fun".

"Reading?", Frozenpixie said hopefully.

"No, that's your definition of fun, but it ain't mine, and if you want to try and get Grimmjow to sit and read Pride and Prejudice, then don't come crying to me when you lose an arm or two."

Frozenpixie looked dejected. "Yeah, I suppose you're right", she muttered.

"I know", Figliedellatempesta piped up, "the most fun thing ever, its dancing, right?"

Frozenpixie raised an eyebrow. Her idea of fun was a book and a cup of tea and cookies. Why did Figliedellatempesta's "fun" always have to involve getting out of her chair? Plus, last time she checked, she wasn't much of a dancer.

"Well, I was thinking, right, espada, they're sorta spanish aren't they, so, we can teach them my favourite thing, salsa! They might be good at it, right? I've been looking for new people to practise with, the only person around here who is any good is Kyoraku-taichou. Oh and Byakuya-sama can dance well too, but he is hard to persuade."

She ignored Frozenpixie's skeptical expression, as she was too excited by the idea of getting some more men involved in the Soul Society salsa club. Right now, it consisted of her, Nanao, Rangiku, Isane, Nemu and a few other women, with whichever male shinigami they could bully into attending that week. For some reason, she failed to take into consideration that most of the espada had two left feet when it came to anything like dancing, and that very few of them were likely to want to join in her so called fun.

Anyway, she was excited to take another class herself, so she roped in some of the other female members of the salsa club and arranged for a salsa class, to try and see whether any of the espada had any potential. Surprisingly, all the male espada signed up. Maybe they were lured in by the promise of attractive shinigami women in short dresses and heels? In fact, Ulquiorra had not signed up, he had simply been signed up as a joke by Grimmjow, who had been signed up as a joke by Nnoitra. Grimmjow had then retaliated by signing Nnoitra up, and in the end, all of them ended up being dragged along to the class, whether or not they liked the idea of it.

As promised, Nanao, Rangiku, Isane and Nemu had turned up, all wearing short, black dresses with sticky out skirts and high heels. Isane and Figliedellatempesta had decided against high heels, since they were both quite tall, but they all looked quite hot. The espada on the other hand, had sloped along without making any effort at all. Starrk had downed several shots of vodka beforehand to "loosen up", and Grimmjow looked like he was wishing he had done the same. Nnoitra was looking quite shifty, as if he was embarassed to have been dragged along to such a class, and Ulquiorra was looking like he would rather have signed up to be one of Mayuri's test subjects.

Figliedellatempesta, however, completely overlooked their unenthusiastic looks, and was grinning excitedly at the prospect of the class. "Ok", she said, "everyone pair up, we will rotate partners, don't worry".

Nnoitra and Grimmjow both sniggered at the idea of being able to swap partners. Figliedellatempesta gave them both a glare that told them that they would be in a LOT of trouble if they tried any of their usual antics. Starrk immediately grabbed Rangiku, who giggled and blushed as she stood next to the primera espada. Nnoitra, being the tallest, went for the tallest shinigami, Isane, who looked rather scared of her partner and refused to stand too close to him, even though salsa requires rather a lot of physical contact. Grimmjow scanned the breasts of the remaining shinigami, and decided that Nemu's were the biggest, so he picked her, which made the 12th division fukutaichou blush slightly uncharacteristically. Szayel paired up with Figliedellatempesta, leaving Ulquiorra and Nanao giving each other uncomfortable glances, before being shoved together by Figliedellatempesta.

"Ok, so men, you have to put your hand on your partner's waist like this".

Cue sniggers from Grimmjow and Nnoitra.

"Err, not like that Grimmjow, your hand is way too high! Ok, now the women should have the right hand on the man's shoulder, then with your left hand, hold the man's hand."

She demonstrated, neatly with Szayel, who seemed happy to let the shinigami boss him around. Most of the others copied reasonably successfully, other than Ulquiorra and Nanao, who merely stood awkwardly, several feet apart, glaring at each other and blushing. Figliedellatempesta sighed in annoyance and walked over to them, before forcing them into the right position. Both of them glared at her, with a murderous look in their eyes, but she merely smiled back.

Now that all the couples were ready, Figliedellatempesta put on some music and began to demonstrate the basic steps. "Ok, so this is a mambo", she said, demonstrating the most basic move. "Can you all try that, please". The espada tried, with mixed results. Starrk picked it up instantly, finding the beat instinctively and even managing to put some style into his dancing. Rangiku looked extremely happy with her choice of partner. Grimmjow seemed to be stamping repeatedly on Nemu's feet, although Nemu didn't seem to particularly mind. Nnoitra was "freestyling", basically meaning that he decided the proper moves were "too pussy" for him, and was making it all up as he went along. Nanao and Ulquiorra were refusing to move.

"Err, Ulquiorra, can you at least try, please?"

Ulquiorra gave her the iciest of stares, which she happily ignored. "Look, I'll show you", she said, grabbing the cuarta and more or less shoving him until he relented and carried out the steps. He managed a perfect, if extremely stiff and expressionless mambo, which Figliedellatempesta decided would have to do for now. Happily for her, Szayel also seemed to have no trouble picking up the steps, and after 20 minutes, she had managed to teach him all the basic steps. Starrk and Rangiku were also progressing very fast onto more and more complicated steps. So, Starrk wasn't the primera espada for nothing!

Nnoitra, Grimmjow and Ulquiorra, however, were having trouble even with simple mambo and rumba steps. Grimmjow could just about handle one move, but when he was required to change to another move, he reverted back to his default position of stamping on Nemu's feet. Nnoitra was about as malcoordinated as it was possible to be, and also seemed to be far more interested in seeing where he could put his hands without being slapped away by Isane. Ulquiorra seemed to be able to pick up any step that he was taught, but did it in such a wooden, unenthusiastic fashion that it made Figliedellatempesta laugh. Nanao however, was also very stiff, so they sort of suited each other as a pair, and both of them were following the class in a highly organised and obedient fashion.

By this point, Rangiku and Starrk had broken off from the rest of the group, and Starrk was whirling Rangiku round, in ever more complicated and intricate moves, Rangiku flushed and beaming with excited happiness. Frozenpixie, who had refused to take part in the lesson, was looking on, impressed with the primera's gracefulness and sense of rhythm. She smiled to herself. Rangiku and Starrk seemed to be getting on well. A little too well, even. Actually, the same could be said for Szayel and Figliedellatempesta. They had been talking a lot recently. Frozenpixie had even seen Szayel explaining some sort of long and complicated scientific theory to Figliedellatempesta, who had actually seemed to be listening. They were dancing rather closely, and Figliedellatempesta had gone into full showing-off-mode, twirling and swaying her hips seductively. Actually, that is how you are supposed to dance salsa, not that you would know it from the way Nanao and Ulquiorra were doing it.

"So, what was that rumble thing again?", Grimmjow said, looking extremely confused.

Figliedellatempesta reluctantly dragged herself over to Grimmjow. "Its called rumba!", she said rather aggressively. "For the hundredth time, its like this..."

Grimmjow tried again. "Yeah man, I got it now", he said, grinning from ear to ear. He put his arm back around Nemu. "Oh, no, wait, hang on a sec, what was it again?"

Figliedellatempesta groaned with annoyance. "Dear God Grimmjow! I thought you espada were supposed to be good at physical things."

"Yeah, physical things like killing. And sex. And killing. Not this kinda gay, girly nonsense."

"Heh, you're just jealous, cos you suck", Starrk's voice floated over towards Grimmjow, tauntingly.

"Screw you, Starrk", Grimmjow muttered darkly.

Nnoitra was also laughing at Grimmjow, although he was displaying roughly the same level of malcoordination.

"Ok, well now I want to see what you've all learned, so basically I'm just gona put some music on and watch you all dance."

Ulquiorra stared back. "How am I supposed to know which moves to do?", he asked, expressionless as usual.

"Well that's the beauty of salsa, you can just improvise."

Ulquiorra did not look like he had the slightest idea how to improvise. He looked rather scared as he walked back over to Nanao, who also looked nervous.

She put some music on and they all began to dance. Or at least try to. Grimmjow just about managed to do the one move, over and over again as he was too afraid that if he changed to something different he would lose his momentum. Ulquiorra simply copied the same sequence as Figliedellatempesta, to make sure he did not make a mistake and somehow dance the wrong way. Every move he executed was perfect, however he was about as latino as a robot. Nnoitra didn't seem to give a toss about doing it right, he was just swinging a rather terrified Isane about, left, right and centre. Starrk looked as if he had been doing it all his life, and Szayel was managing a good attempt also, although Frozenpixie suspected that Figliedellatempesta was leading him, rather than the other way around.

Eventually, Figliedellatempesta decided it was time for the class to end, and they all sloped off to their rooms or, in Grimmjow and Nnoitra's case, to look for something to eat. Starrk, however, seemed to be headed off in a slightly different direction to everyone else. A direction which the two shinigami strongly suspected was the direction of Rangiku's room.


	10. Fourth Division

Buenos dias! Hope you enjoy the new chapter, thanks to everyone who has reviewed/faved the story :) Yay my easter break starts today, so I might be writing some more hehe xx

* * *

"Ehh, what can we do with them now?" wondered Frozenpixie to Figliedellatempesta as they both sat spying on the bored espada. Starrk was winning in chess against Nnoitra, who looked incredibly annoyed, Grimmjow was flicking little bits of paper at the back of Szayel's neck, Wonderweiss was sticking his fingers into a bowl which may half an hour ago have housed a goldfish, and Ulquiorra had – Frozenpixie had no idea how – somehow been blackmailed, manipulated or otherwise tricked into giving Nel a piggyback ride. He was down on all fours looking as if he was considering the best and least painful method of instant suicide. Figliedelltempesta watched dispassionately as Nel began pulling at hanks of Ulquiorra's hair to 'direct' him.

"Dunno," she mused. "I wanted to do some more salsa, but only Starrk and Rangiku were any good, and they're too busy irritating Hitsugaya-taichou with their 'discreet' makeout sessions to help me set another class up.

"How about Kuchiki-taichou?" Frozenpixie asked. "Does he want to give them a calligraphy class or something?"

"He threatened me with senbonzakura if I signed him up for anything else," Figliedellatempesta sighed disconsolately.

"Zaraki-taichou?"

"Not after last time. He and Grimmjow actually destroyed practically a third of Seireitei with an _armwrestling _match."

"Oh yeah..."

The two girls sat in silence, watching as Nnoitra tried unsuccessfully to grab Starrk's bishop without him noticing. They both winced as the fifth espada flew across the room with a pawn jammed up his left nostril. The resulting yells, laughs (from Grimmjow, of course) and fountain of blood gave Frozenpixie an idea.

"Hey... have you spoken to Unohana-taichou recently? She's been asking for a few volunteers to help out with all the minor patients who keep coming in with colds and sprained ankles and stuff."

"Yeah, maybe we could send a few of our beloved espada over," Figliedellatempesta considered, a grin stretching evilly over her face. "I'd love to see Grimmjow's bedside manner.

"And I don't think any of them are going to faint at the sight of blood," added Frozenpixie as Nnoitra tried to stem the chess-induced flow with Szayel's handkerchief.

"Perfect," Figliedellatempesta agreed. "I'll send a Hell Butterfly right away."

An hour later, Nnoitra, Grimmjow, Ulquiorra and the rest of the bunch were shuffling their feet in the foyer of fourth division's barracks.

"It smells funny," Nnoitra complained. "Like disinfectant or something."

"Quit moaning," Szayel scoffed. "Just because you prefer the scent of death. _Some _of us have standards of hygiene, you know."

"Is there a problem?" asked a sweet voice. The espada turned round to see the smiling Unohana-taichou standing there, looking somehow both friendly and incredibly intimidating at the same time.

"Uh, no," Nnoitra said hastily, unfisting his hand.

"Good," Unohana said. "I need a few volunteers to get meals for the minor injuries ward, cheer them up and be on call to deal with day-to-day complaints with Hanatorou, and if any of you are brave enough, a little help in surgery would be nice."

"Ooh, pick me," Szayel said eagerly. It had been far too long since he had seen somebody's intestines.

"You freak," Grimmjow muttered.

"Just cos you're too scared," Nnoitra teased.

"Have you met Grimmjow?" Starrk asked, eyebrows raised. "I don't think blood and guts are going to bother him too much considering his track record."

"Fine, I'll prove it," Nnoitra challenged. "Bet Grimmjow hurls at the sight of someone getting sliced open."

"Whatever," laughed Grimmjow. "At least I don't squeal like a girl when anyone so much as mentions nee-"

"Shut up!" Nnoitra said, paling. Starrk sniggered quietly, and Grimmjow laughed like a maniac.

"All right, you three come with me, Starrk, you and the others can be on call," Unohana commanded. "Actually – I think, fourth espada-san, you should go and see our counsellor. I don't like the look of your expression. A happy espada is a healthy espada." With that, she swept towards surgery with her three guest-surgeons, leaving Ulquiorra looking slightly confused.

"What is wrong with my expression?" he asked nobody in particular.

"Don't complain, it means you don't have to work. Go tell your problems to the counsellor," encouraged Starrk. Ulquiorra wondered off.

"Right, you two midgets, go help Hanatorou," Starrk instructed. "I have an, er, important call to make."

As Nel and Wonderweiss followed the shy healer, Starrk looked around shiftily and whipped out his phone.

"Hey, Ran? It's me. Listen, I'm supposed to be helping out at fourth. I don't suppose you have a cough, or a twisted ankle, or... PMS? What's that? Never mind, come on down and Dr Starrk will make it all better..."

-

Szayel was having the time of his life removing the spleen of a luckless shinigami, whilst Nnoitra and Grimmjow tried unsuccessfully to gross each other out.

"Grimm, I've stuck my hand into your stomach, nothing you say could possibly bother me," Nnoitra said airily.

"Yeah, well I've stuck my hand through plenty of people, too," Grimmjow defended.

"Boys, this is not appropriate conversation for a place of healing," Unohana scolded gently. They both looked immediately afraid, and closed their mouths.

"Sorry," Nnoitra said in a hushed, sombre tone appropriate to the deathbed of a close friend.

"Someone's got a crush," teased Grimmjow under his breath.

"Shut up."

"Oooh, look," said Szayel happily from the operating table, lifting a glistening, purplish object out of the prone shinigami with a pair of tweezers. "See how swollen it is."

As one man, Nnoitra and Grimmjow turned approximately the same shade as sour milk.

"Gotta go," Grimmjow said quickly, and fled. Nnoitra dared to look at the putrid organ once more. It was a mistake.

"Me, too," he added, and ran for the door.

-

"Nel, I don't think the patients appreciate having their faces drooled on," said Starrk lazily from a bed he was reclining on. Rangiku had been overheard by her captain and (probably not literally) chained to the desk to do paperwork, so he had been forced to help out, which meant sleeping in one of the spare beds.

"Nel is healing," Nel said reproachfully. "Ask Hanatowo."

"Actually, it's an effective antiseptic," Hanatorou said cheerfully. Starrk rolled his eyes.

"Gross, kid," he said, and yawned. "Wake me up if anything cool happens."

-

"It is true that I did experience some unprecedented emotions in the presence of the human woman," Ulquiorra was saying to the terrified counsellor. "But that was solved quite effectively by a simple expedient of forcing her submission by making remarks calculated to offend or upset her."

"But that's _terrible_," the young shinigami counsellor said, horrified. She was used to complaints along the line of 'my captain is putting me under too much pressure' or 'my released zanpakuto makes me look like a pansy'. This was too much to cope with.

"It was necessary," Ulquiorra said dispassionately. "In any case, my ideas on mental torture have been somewhat redefined since coming to Soul Society. I have been required to watch _The Sound of Music_ with Kusajishi-fukutaichou and to dance salsa with Ise-fukutaichou."

"Does this make you want to hurt yourself? Any more than usual?" prodded the counsellor tentatively. Ulquiorra considered the question.

"I do not understand. Why would I wish to cause harm to myself?"

"Well, because life isn't worth living?" tried the shinigami. This was the usual mindset of emos, and she had never seen somebody more emo than Ulquiorra.

"Isn't it?" asked Ulquiorra.

"Wait, no, it is," said the counsellor quickly. "You must have plenty of things worth living for..."

"I do not know," Ulquiorra considered.

"Well, what do you look forward to in a day?" she tried desperately. Ulquiorra was silent for almost a minute.

"Bubble baths are pleasant," he said eventually. The shinigami's eyes were as wide as saucers. Finally, a breakthrough.

-

Outside, Nnoitra and Grimmjow were both trying fervently to erase the image of Szayel and the _thing _from their minds.

"Let's never speak of it again," Grimmjow said forcefully. Nnoitra nodded violently.

"I'll never feel the same way about sticking my hand in someone anymore," he agreed.

"Does it strike you," Grimmjow said with rare consideration. "That we have quite a few things that we're never allowed to speak of again?"

"Huh, now you mention it..." Nnoitra cocked his head on one side.

"Ah well, chalk it down to blackmail," Grimmjow said cheerfully. The thought made him feel a little better. By the grin spreading across Nnoitra's face, it had the same effect on him, too.

-

"So, did you enjoy yourselves?" Frozenpixie asked brightly as the espada sat down to dinner. Szayel's face was shining, and Nel looked pretty happy. Ulquiorra looked imperceptible more content than usual, and Starrk was asleep, which usually boded well. Grimmjow and Nnoitra were looking pointedly at their plates.

"Heey," said Figliedellatempesta. "Is Wonderweiss supposed to be holding that?" Nine heads turned to the skinny arrancar at the foot of the table. In one hand, he was holding a very shiny, very large syringe. A soft sigh and a thump were heard. Eight heads turned again. Nnoitra was lying on the floor, out cold.

"Heh, score one to Grimmjow," the sixth espada grinned happily.


End file.
